People usually don’t know me. That’s a fact. It may be because I myself find it difficult to even understand myself. It may sound funny but it’s true. I’m usually not a talkative person. I spent most of the time, be it with my family or with my friends, almost silent for much of the time. It’s been there with me ever since I was a kid. My father used to say that even as a kid, I was unusually quite, full of shyness. Whenever someone offers a chocolate or something I always used to lower my head whereas my twin brother would grab it gratefully. That was what my parents told me. I guess I really was shy during those days. I hid. I hid my feelings just to appear strong but that doesn’t work all the time.
Even now, I’m still the same. Nothing has changed. Not even a little bit. A change can be a bit difficult than we think it is. I can see it for myself. People most probably find me boring and uninteresting somehow. I don’t blame them. It’s my fault after all. I wish I can learn how to talk more or become more communicative than before just to ensure that I don’t struggle later in the near future. Honestly I don’t want to suffer because of my lack of socialising ability.
You may not believe it when I say I find it extremely difficult to express my emotions and feelings but it’s one of my characters which I totally despise. You see, normally we show concerns and worries when someone we are close with is in trouble. But that doesn’t happen with me.Call me inhumane, I deserve it somehow. Yes I know what it’s like to be sick. What it’s like to be rejected. What it’s like to be in trouble. But whenever I see my friends or my family members in such conditions, I barely show those expected reactions. It’s not that I don’t feel it, it’s just that I find it hard to express. Deep down I feel things just the same things you feel but when it comes to expressing it outo infront of them, I can hardly do that. I’m really poor in doing such things. I loath myself sometimes for being this kind of a selfish person no one can ever imagine.
I try to speak a lot but I can do it only when I’m alone. Funny isn’t it?
I have gotten used to staying alone that it doesn’t really matter if there’s someone listening to what I’m saying . To be precise, I’m such a pathetic person you know. It hurts though. But then then life has been always like that, to everyone. I’m not bragging here. Everyone has a story to tell,mine happens to be discomforting one.
At first glance people normally find me rather as a cruel person. The reason is obvious though. You may encounter me someday, somewhere. If you happen to see a quite girl who appears to look lost, who seems to be enjoying all by herself, who doesn’t really look around for someone to talk to, then that’s probably going to be none other than myself. Only then will you come to know how terrible I’m in real. I’m not really criticising myself. I would never do that. I know what it’s like to be me and right now I just wanted to blurt it out. I don’t have a friend with whom I’m most comfortable to share things and the only friend whom I’m comfortable with is far away form me. Ahh now let’s not get too lengthy. I’m signing up finally.