To the boy I’ve never met

Pretty much strange. Isn’t it? Here I’m, a baked potato, confessing to a boy I’ve never met. Did i just say confessing? Yeah some random stuffs i need to tell.if you’re thinking the other way, you’re totally wrong. There’s nothing much to know about me. Other than the fact that i was a baked potato since my birth. Very funny. But true.

Things are way too uncertain. Our encounter much less so. And if we ever happen to meet someday, you’ll probably look at me and ask what I’ve been eating all these years. I’m talking about my height just in case you don’t get it. You’ll certainly stare at me,on my face. You may even end up assuming I’m an alien with that sort of face filled with pimples here and there. And just in case you saw my pictures, they’re probably edited. You might have to get used to with my dressing style as well. I’ve no sense of fashion i tell you.
But then even after knowing all my flaws,will you accept the truth that I’ll never be as interesting as you think I’m? That I’m bad when it comes to talking to new people? That all i ever wanted to become was a journalist but ended up choosing science stream? That i love spending my time with books and dogs that i hardly have time for others? That i get sick now and then and ends up being dull the whole time? That i cannot even sing my favourite songs well because I’m a horrible singer? That i look cruel and rude the first time anyone meets me? Or that i once nearly cried because i was late in school which made me look like a total fool? That i once believed in prince charming and was spoilt with the idea of living happily ever after? That i once spent the whole day not talking to anyone because i was too tired of speaking the other day? That i dont know what it takes to make friends laugh hysterically?

Will you be pleased to know I’m even bad when it comes to sports? That i can’t even run properly because i get tired in between running? That i look the ugliest when I’m sick? That i fake laugh whenever i dont seem to know what the other person is saying? That i need calculator even to do simple calculation just to make sure I’m not wrong? That i fear snake even though i unintentionally killed one when i was a kid? That i hate going to places where it is crowded because i easily get migraine but would gladly attend BTS concert without a doubt? That i love listening to horror stories although i scream every time someone plays prank on me in the midst of listening? That i was never a frank daughter, a friend, or a sister? That being friendly is not my area of expertise?

Or will you just choose to run away as soon as you see me? After hearing things you never expected to hear from me? 20181023_194654

Advertisements

I and You

I stared at you
You stared at your phone
I listened to you
You listened to your songs
I watched you dance
You danced joyfully
I watched you harder
Afraid i might lose you in the crowd
The longer i watched
The closer you came
And yet not close enough
I holded out my hands
Little did i know
You couldn’t reach me any closer
I screamed your name
When all i did was whisper
The distance kept us apart
The feeling brought us together
The chilly weather suddenly seemed cool
The street seemed familiar
The food reminded of you
Hopes piled up one after another
To see you a bit closer
For few minutes
Few years more
And I’ll see you

P.s. confession of a fan who longed to see her idol (s) .972d301e3477aa78209db8fff31b3c2f

14th October

October was born
Few weeks ago
Memories were created
Few hours ago
It’s the second week
Waking up at 5 didn’t feel like a burden
We moved on
Despite the cold morning

The bus roared with music
Laughter filled inside
Echoes could be heard far away
To a place we went
As if we were being waited for

The day began with excitement
Filled with enjoyment
Ended with happiness
Someday none will be left
Except for the vague thoughts
And distant memories
Yet a part of ours
Shall always remain alive

October was born few weeks ago
Memories were created few hours ago

P.s. but who could’ve thought we would end up with sore throats from singing aloud?
received_325709714645313

Gone were the days

Gone were the days
When imginations took me somewhere
Leaving me with thoughts
I can never think of
Foolishly assuming the
Sky to be near
And a ladder going up
Till the end

Gone were the days
When i used to flinch
At the thought of seeing ghost
Somehow believing
The shadow to be one
And the pillow fights
That goes on and on

Gone were the days
When my face glowed
At the sight of chocolate
Fighting over a piece of cake
Nagging till i get the thing

Back then
I lived in the world of fantasy
Untouched by the reality
Simply lived a life
Of an ordinary kid20181010_205650

The Feeling of Being Unwanted

When you’re made to feel unwanted by people whom you really wanted to be with, you no longer know what it feels like to be loved or feel you are worth it. You no longer care if you’re lonely. No one is there by your side. They’re with their own people and you couldn’t be a part of them. You no longer care if the following day is going to be your last day on this earth because even without you, the rest of the world would go on being the same. You no longer smile. You expect people to smile at you or even look your way but you see them smiling fondly at some other people. It breaks you and your heart.

You no longer expect people to visit your place to celebrate your achievements because they’ve gone to someones else’s place to enjoy. No one is there to give you a congratulatory handshake. What’s the joy in being with a group of people who silently wish you to get out of their lives? You don’t feel like waking up. It’s the worst part of your day because a gloomy day waits for you to ruin your mood. Even the weather makes you feel unwanted, people even more so.

You no longer feel like going home. No one is there to greet you with hugs of love affection. No one is there to make you feel you’re worth it. You don’t find it funny when someone cracks a humorous joke. Your pain takes control of the situation and you don’t have the will to even laugh. You’re emotionally drained, physically tired, and mentally weak. The more you feel unloved, the more you despise yourself for not being good enough.

You don’t even love yourself, how can you expect the world to love you?

Such questions enter your mind. You just can’t help it though,can you?
You may feel unloved every now and then, but you’ve never been unloved. You don’t deserve to be unloved. You deserve to be loved. 20180808_210826

It’s me

IMG20180422134519_mh1527269161907People usually don’t know me. That’s a fact. It may be because I myself find it difficult to even understand myself. It may sound funny but it’s true. I’m usually not a talkative person. I spent most of the time, be it with my family or with my friends, almost silent for much of the time. It’s been there with me ever since I was a kid. My father used to say that even as a kid, I was unusually quite, full of shyness. Whenever someone offers a chocolate or something I always used to lower my head whereas my twin brother would grab it gratefully. That was what my parents told me. I guess I really was shy during those days. I hid. I hid my feelings just to appear strong but that doesn’t work all the time.

Even now, I’m still the same. Nothing has changed. Not even a little bit. A change can be a bit difficult than we think it is. I can see it for myself. People most probably find me boring and uninteresting somehow. I don’t blame them. It’s my fault after all. I wish I can learn how to talk more or become more communicative than before just to ensure that I don’t struggle later in the near future. Honestly I don’t want to suffer because of my lack of socialising ability.

You may not believe it when I say I find it extremely difficult to express my emotions and feelings but it’s one of my characters which I totally despise. You see, normally we show concerns and worries when someone we are close with is in trouble. But that doesn’t happen with me.Call me inhumane, I deserve it somehow. Yes I know what it’s like to be sick. What it’s like to be rejected. What it’s like to be in trouble. But whenever I see my friends or my family members in such conditions, I barely show those expected reactions. It’s not that I don’t feel it, it’s just that I find it hard to express. Deep down I feel things just the same things you feel but when it comes to expressing it outo infront of them, I can hardly do that. I’m really poor in doing such things. I loath myself sometimes for being this kind of a selfish person no one can ever imagine.

I try to speak a lot but I can do it only when I’m alone. Funny isn’t it?
I have gotten used to staying alone that it doesn’t really matter if there’s someone listening to what I’m saying . To be precise, I’m such a pathetic person you know. It hurts though. But then then life has been always like that, to everyone. I’m not bragging here. Everyone has a story to tell,mine happens to be discomforting one.

At first glance people normally find me rather as a cruel person. The reason is obvious though. You may encounter me someday, somewhere. If you happen to see a quite girl who appears to look lost, who seems to be enjoying all by herself, who doesn’t really look around for someone to talk to, then that’s probably going to be none other than myself. Only then will you come to know how terrible I’m in real. I’m not really criticising myself. I would never do that. I know what it’s like to be me and right now I just wanted to blurt it out. I don’t have a friend with whom I’m most comfortable to share things and the only friend whom I’m comfortable with is far away form me. Ahh now let’s not get too lengthy. I’m signing up finally.

Our happiness: BTS

People will probably think we’re being childish when we are all head over heels in love with BTS. But there’s nothing to be shameful of showing our love and affection to the deserving ones and that include BTS. Now you’re probably wondering what I’m really pondering about especially those who are not really into kpops and all. Well let me clarify one thing; I’m just sharing opinions on behalf of all the armys out there.

We are just a small bunch of individuals calling ourselves Bhutanese armys and the world may not even realise that we do exist. If only to see our seven members of BTS gaining popularity all over the world. True they are miles apart from us. But distance has never been an issue for us and despite being very far, we’re always connected. Whether you believe it or not.

Maybe you’re one of those fans waiting for their idols’ birthdays to come and when the day finally comes, you can see various fan post all over the social medias. They did those things even after knowing that BTS may not even get the chance to see those posts, forget about reading them. Such loyal fans exist. You may think they’re kinda strange. You’re right though. Fans are always strange. They appear strange. They do strange things. But all in all they are just fans waiting for a miracle to happen so that they can finally get to see their idols.

Your idols may not be there always for you. That’s impossible. But they are our emotional guidance. How? Their musics are their way of showing love to their fans. Our support is our way of showing love for our idols. Isn’t this kind of a relationship sweet?

Drifted apart by distance but connected by music. Our gallery is almost always filled with photos of our bias. Strange? But true. We aren’t familiar with their native language but we spent hours practising the lyrics. We celebrate their achievements as if it’s our greatest achievement.we spent our time listening to their musics and wondering if those songs were dedicated to us. We have crazy dreams like taking selfies with them or maybe their autographs.

All the time when BTS is awarded with musics awards, all they say is” thank you armys. We love you.” No wonder they are loved by their fans.

If you’re one of those crazy fans, you’ll definitely know what it’s like to be a fan.